Some More Interesting Thoughts

February 25, 2007

So, lately I’ve been thinking a lot about pirates, and if I were a pirate whether I’d prefer to have an eye patch or a peg-leg. At first I thought that I’d probably like to have an eye patch because I just like the way they look, but then I though what if somebody is charging at me from my left side and I can’t see that well out of my left side because that’s the eye that has a patch over it. And because I can’t see them I get stabbed or something. Then I thought maybe I’d change my option from eye patch to peg leg. But then I though what if that same guy who stabbed me because I had an eye patch was chasing me, and I couldn’t run as fast as him because one of my legs was a chunk of wood? He’d probably catch up with me and kill me either way. So, in conclusion I think that if I had to pick any pirate thing to have I’d pick a parrot on my shoulder. No worry of being killed with a parrot on your shoulder. If anything he could warn you of impending doom through some sort of code I’d teach him.

Being able to talk to animals would be sweet. Can you imagine how much being able to talk to a bear would help you out if you were ever being attacked by one? You could just say, “Hey, Bear. What’s the deal?” and he’d think, “whoa! This guy’s speakin’ my language.” Then you could explain to him that you have no reason to be attacked this way and that if the two of you could just sit and talk about things, he’d probably see how wrong he was to ever attack you in the first place. You’d never have to worry about being attacked by any sort of animal again. Except maybe a shark. A shark couldn’t hear you ‘cause you’d be under water and if you tried to talk to him you’d drown.

If I had the choice to have any super power, it would definitely be the ability to breathe under water. Most people pick flying for their number one super power but I figure, what’s so great about flying? So you get to get from one place to the other really fast, big deal. I can do that in my truck. Breathing under water enables you to explore the deepest, darkest parts of the world, and possibly even talk to sharks.

Well, I have to go hang out at Corner Gas now. Catch ya later.

P.S. Yes, I say “ya” instead of “you” too!!! That goes to prove that I have even more attitude that you previously believed.


Some Interesting Thoughts

February 25, 2007

Yes, the rumours are true. My truck is busted. Sure, it slows me down. But, a slower pace means you get to spend time with friends. Like in the olden days, before they invented my truck. This morning I had to walk to the grocery store, which is something I haven’t done in a very long time. In fact, I think the last time I had to walk to the grocery store was the last time my truck was busted. It’s funny how things come full circle. On my way to the grocery store I passed Fitzy who mentioned that there was no need for me to explain to him my notions on Vikings because he was looking so forward to reading it on my blog.

At first I was worried that Hank Talkin’ wouldn’t catch on. But I was malarky. Turns out not a day goes by someone doesn’t tell me they read it. Fitzy was just one of many eager readers looking forward to hearing about what I think of Vikings. Well, wait no longer because here it is:

I think that if Vikings were to travel forward in time and come visit us here in the future that on of the things they would find the most impressive is how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have. Most Vikings have probably never even seen a sticker, let alone a glow-in-the-dark sticker. It’d probably blow their Viking minds. They would also have a few words to say regarding our glow-in-the-dark T-shirts. Think about it: You’re a Viking, you’ve never worn anything other than a loincloth and a really pointy hat. Then, boom, you’re in the future and you see somebody walking around with a T-shirt that has a picture of a spaceship on it and it glows in the dark! If I were a Viking I’d probably get pretty creeped out by that. Creeped out and intrigued.

This brings me to my next point. I think if Goldfinger was not called Goldfinger at all, but actually called Honeyfinger he would have had far less problems. They never would have called James Bond if the guy was smuggling Honey. Who really cares that much about Honey? Sure, maybe a couple of bears or some bees or something, but that’s it. And, let’s face it, if I had the choice to either have to deal with a bunch of angry bees or an angry James Bond, I’d go with the bees. Being stung by a bee sure sucks but it’s nothing compared to a judo chop to the side of the neck.

I’ve got much more to say on both the subjects of Vikings and Goldfinger but I think that if I were to write any more it would be too much for anybody to handle. After all, since everybody’s reading this blog I need to save some stuff for my next entry. I’d hate to run out of steam at the height of my popularity. Does it feel good to be a hit? In a word: it sure does.

Hello Internet Folks!

February 25, 2007

Hello people in the Internet. Welcome to my musings: Hank Talkin’. Yes, you read right. I spell “talking” with no “g”. That is to show I have attitude. Yes, Hank Talkin’ will not be afraid to shake things up. I am a rule breaker. There are times when I think that maybe I’m living my life a little too fast. Sometimes I think maybe I should slow down, give myself time to really enjoy and experience life. But then I think about what little time I have left. I give myself maybe thirty or forty good years before it’s all over. Then what? How are you supposed to live your life to its fullest when you’re dead? You can’t, that’s how.

This blog is probably going to be pretty groundbreaking. I’m going to talk about a few things that many of you may or may not be willing to hear. Maybe some things that you’re not ready to hear. For instance: If a werewolf and a robot were to get into a fight, who would win? I don’t know when such a scenario would come up… maybe if the space program decided to start sending animals into space again, like they used to do with dogs or monkeys, but decided to find out how space would affect a werewolf, and they sent a werewolf into space. And then the rocket ship got blown off of its course and ended up crash-landing on a planet full of robots, and the robots were really territorial and wanted the werewolf off of their planet, then maybe a fight would break out. Other than that I can’t see any realistic scenario where this would happen. But that’s not the point. The point is that if they were to fight, I’d probably put my money on the robot. Don’t get me wrong, a werewolf would put up one heck of a fight. It’s got those claws and really sharp teeth. And it would definitely have the advantage of speed over the robot. But I think, ultimately, the robot could take the werewolf because it would have a better defense strategy. It would take a lot to puncture through solid steel, no matter how sharp the werewolf’s claws are. I could see the robot using this to tire the werewolf out and then, once he’s and unable to fight as well as he once was, make his attack. This is all assuming, of course, that werewolves can breathe in space. I like to think that they probably can.


Yes, look forward to many more of these mind-tinglers to come in future additions of my blog. I like to think it of my way of doing service to the community. These questions need to be asked.

Okay, I gotta go. My Alpha-Bits are getting soggy.